Tuesday, December 12, 2006

15 weeks pregnant

I have not written for a while.

Nuchal translucency and first pre-natal appointment
I got my nuchal translucency scan done a few weeks ago (12 weeks and a half) and it was a bit scary as they found a fibroid and the sonographer did not know what it was and had to call the doctor in.
I was even worried at first that they would not find a baby. But there it was a little bundle of human frailty It measured 7.5cm at 12 weeks four days. However this was later changed by the doctor based on the size, and so the age of the baby was changed to 13 weeks and 3 days. So now instead of being due on the 10th of June 2007 I am due 4th June 2007.
The baby is on my right hand side and was very energetic. There is a largish fibroid on my left hand side and I hope this does not interfere with the baby's growth or movement in the future. I was not really able to enjoy seeing the baby, as I worried a lot when I was probed and prodded by the sonographer trying to figure out what the large mass was near or on my uterus. The doctor said to me it is most likely a uterine fibroid and they will monitor it to see if it grows or not. She said that it was in a good position and if one is ever to get a fibroid in the uterus then the best place to get it is where mine is. But that really did not re-assure me much.
I also went to have my first pre-natal appointment at the hospital and I felt happy with the midwives and how caring they were.

How a pregnant woman feels:
I am now feeling better, the nausea has subsided a lot and I am eating much better. My weight is still low 63-64 kg and maybe now i will begin to put on a bit, not that I want to. My stomach is growing though.

I am not really into meat at the moment. I have been eating gherkins from the Czech Republic and Jarlsburg cheese with hot English mustard on bread. I have been having custard and breakfast is always the same wheatbix cereals.

So now I am 15 weeks. Another thing that has been happening is that I have insomnia at night and wake up at around 3am and go to the toilet then can not get back to sleep until 4am or 4.30am and have to sleep with a pillow between my legs facing left.
I have also began to feel more emotional and this all happened after the 12th week.

Very emotional:
During the first trimester I did not cry, I felt nauseous and sick and hated the smell of certain foods. But i never cried. Now i cry in relation to everything, in fact I am back to my normal sensitive crazy self. I can't believe I cry when I ask J to buy me some mustard like American mustard and he gets me seeded mustard. Hopefully in the future I will look back on this and laugh and apologize to everyone around me for my craziness.

My memory is 100% better:
Another weird thing is that I do feel I have a better memory at the moment and it seems facts are easier to access from my brain than previously so. I do not know if this is connected to being pregnant, or having multi-vitamins and follic acid every morning. No se.

Telling friends and family:
I have begun to tell people I am pregnant but still quite hesitant. I went to see my grandfather yesterday. He is in a nursing home and I told him, he seemed happy and said the family is now growing and extending. I hope he understands what this means. I hope it makes him happy.
I am also planning to go to a paleontological dig in January and I have told the woman in charge but not the man who is in charge, partly because I want to be sure with all my scan results, partly as I did not have time to tell him personally as he is never alone and in a rush and hardly comes to the Uni.
However I found out today one of my colleagues mentioned to him herself that I was pregnant before I got to tell him. She felt a bit bad for doing so, and I really did not worry. But later in the day it sunk in, and it made me feel really bad, and I rang J and bawled my eyes out in the corridor of the university and told him how lousy i feel. I feel a bit betrayed and robbed of something that is mine. It is my doing, this pregnancy, having a baby and so in my eyes I believe I need to tell people in my own time.

Mumbo jumbo ramblings:
Oh well I have learned from this, learned that I should not be so trusting and so nice. J does not understand why I always seem to have problems with people. I do not know why either, I am going to try to figure that one out, but for now I know this is not my doing and I have not done anything bad. I think it has to do with respect. I have done my PhD I am a doctor yet I don't have a job and I am considered a "volunteer" at the University. I am sure this makes me look bad in people's eyes. Also I am never one to prove my abilities or who I am, I don't want to show off. Oh well I need to be strong for the sake of the baby, to teach this baby what it means to be a woman and scientist in this world.
I won't cry anymore......

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